I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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