My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I didn't notice because vodka
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
