from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
