he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
