Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
