I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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