I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
