this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
