He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
