I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
