i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
