i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
