Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize