I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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