How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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