I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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