i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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