so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
