that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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