I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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