hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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