Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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