My room smells like vodka and shame
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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