no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
