i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
