im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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