I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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