Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
