Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
