I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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