So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
