if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
