I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have tasted many bathrooms
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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