just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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