the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
