Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
