he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
