I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
