They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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