is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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