The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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