I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
babies were throwing up all over the place
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
