I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
