if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize