Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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