Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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