I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
