he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
that is very illegal...i love you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
