I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
