So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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