If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
