If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
