i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
