ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
