she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
