If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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