My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
