I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
