I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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