people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
