he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
