Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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