Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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