it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I bet he comes in French.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
