I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
