Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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