"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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